i've realized

im giving up.
giving up on the perfect reality ive dreamed of for so long.
giving up on being the perfect person so many want me to be.
giving up on any hope that my dad will ever change his ways.
giving up on acting happy all the time.

my life is just so fucking screwed up, and i dont know how to fix it.
i dont like this.
i dont know what to do.
i can talk to my dad again, i should be happy.
but im not. all i can think about are the what if's.
and what those what if's could lead to.
damnit.
why the hell cant things go as planned for once.
he was supposed to change.
he was supposed to be different.
he doesnt care.
he doesnt give a shit about how i feel.
all i want out of life is for him to change.
i know he wont. so why do i do this.
i dont know.

fuck it.
im done.
im done caring.
kill yourself. fine by me. just dont expect me to stand here and watch you do it.
im not strong enough for that.
i love you, but i quit.
i cant do this anymore.


sorry to those who dont know what this is about.
i just had to get all of that off of my mind.