annonymous letter

hello.
you say you dont want to feel nonexistant in my life. so fine. i'll make you exist. im about to tell you exactly how i feel about you, exactly what crosses my mind when i think of you. exactly what i miss about you. you will exist by the end of all this.

when i first saw you this is exactly what i was thinking "you seem like a nice person, im not entirely sure about you..but i'll take the chance"
when times got rough i still thought you were someone i wanted in my life. i loved you. there was no changing that.
when i was with you it was like i could be me. i didnt have to worry about what was going on around me. you made me happy.
when i wasnt with you i was still happy, just torn. i didnt know what was going on, and because of past events, there was a definite lack of trust. i looked past it.
when it ended i was crushed. of course i told you i was fine, youre pretty damn naive for believing me. i was so very not fine.
when i was sure it was over i was finally fine. there was massive confusion about my feelings, but i was fine. i was happy
when i see your face i think of everything that happened, everything that couldve happened, and everything that didnt happen.
when i think of you now im happy. youve made me a better person. youve made me stronger.
when i think of us i wonder. i told you i was done. but im not really that sure.
what i miss most is your ability to always make me smile. the way you looked at me. the way it felt to be around you.
what i dont miss at all is the distance, the constant separation, the constant worry, the lack of trust, never knowing, the hurt, the confusion, the drama.

i love you.

there. now you know. now you exist.
no, this wasnt done just because you said you felt nonexistant.
ive been wanting.....needing to do this for a while now.
you just gave me the push.

>>dani

ps. i know that most anyone that reads this knows who its about. please. no comments. no questions. i did what i had to do.