[Easy Target. Blink-182]
Okay, before I start, this is NOT an emo post. dont go that in depth. this is really nothing serious.
I have made a life decision today. not to beat a dead horse or anything, but this is a jordan related post. [side note: notice how i'm big enough to admit when things i say are about him?.. anywho..]
I have made the conscious decision to cut him from my life. i know, i know. i've said this before. heres the story as to why this is happening now. pardon me for yelling at him via my blog, i need to vent. here goes..
you dont get to act this way towards me. you dont get to call me selfish and uncaring when i'm not around when you want me to be. news flash bucko.. i dont have to care about you and your needs anymore. i chose to because i know you've been going through a difficult time. but i'm done. you burned this bridge. there's no going back. you will NOT guilt trip me for being with my grandma and not with you. heres a thought.. my grandpa died less than two months ago. when my grandma asks me to come over, i go over. she needs company for even the silliest reasons, like re-learning how to knit. i go over there because i know she just needed an excuse because she is still sad and is too proud a woman to admit it. you dont get to get offensive and call me insensitive and selfish for this reason. my phone died and i'm sorry i didnt realize it til 11 at night. you wanted to meet up with me. i get that. you had almost a month to do it. you chose two nights before i left to act on it. not my problem. at all. attempt number two didnt work either. why? i was sick. i didnt go out of my way to hurt you or make you feel like i didnt want to see you. you chose an inopportune time to get ahold of me. thats all there is to that. you didnt apologize for the things you said because you felt bad. you barely even apologized. when i said those things, while i admit i had no place saying them. i meant them. wholeheartedly. i believe you never actually changed. you met and talked to trashy internet girls before me, and thats exactly what you did after me. you plan to move out of state to see one of them. that is the stupidest thing i've ever heard. and no, i dont know this for fact, but i KNOW you. youre going to throw your life away because youre bitter and hurt. be bitter and hurt. youre allowed to be. but this goes to show that you are either being fake now, or you were with me. i'm choosing to think that youre not being your true self now. it makes me feel better. you do what you want. i'm done with you. i'm done with the bullshit. i'm done with feeling bad about what youre going through. if you want to get into who's being insensitive, that would be you. the whole time you were text-yelling at me, i can bet you didnt even think about why i was over at my grandma's. you were to concerned with getting the "closure" you so desperately needed, even though i know you've been up "claire's" ass for weeks now. fuck this. fuck you. fuck all of it. i'm done. goodbye jordan.
man. i feel better. that needed to be said. sorry if none of you care. i needed an outlet. :]
Edit: I will say this. You ARE a good person. you have many positive qualities and will make someone very happy in life. i realize that the aforementioned information spins you in a horrible light, but.. what you said to me was horrible. so it can only be expected. i did love you once, and i loved you for many reasons. but those reasons quickly faded as i noticed you changing on me. so no, you are not a horrible person, but this particular action was quite horrible.
I have made a life decision today. not to beat a dead horse or anything, but this is a jordan related post. [side note: notice how i'm big enough to admit when things i say are about him?.. anywho..]
I have made the conscious decision to cut him from my life. i know, i know. i've said this before. heres the story as to why this is happening now. pardon me for yelling at him via my blog, i need to vent. here goes..
you dont get to act this way towards me. you dont get to call me selfish and uncaring when i'm not around when you want me to be. news flash bucko.. i dont have to care about you and your needs anymore. i chose to because i know you've been going through a difficult time. but i'm done. you burned this bridge. there's no going back. you will NOT guilt trip me for being with my grandma and not with you. heres a thought.. my grandpa died less than two months ago. when my grandma asks me to come over, i go over. she needs company for even the silliest reasons, like re-learning how to knit. i go over there because i know she just needed an excuse because she is still sad and is too proud a woman to admit it. you dont get to get offensive and call me insensitive and selfish for this reason. my phone died and i'm sorry i didnt realize it til 11 at night. you wanted to meet up with me. i get that. you had almost a month to do it. you chose two nights before i left to act on it. not my problem. at all. attempt number two didnt work either. why? i was sick. i didnt go out of my way to hurt you or make you feel like i didnt want to see you. you chose an inopportune time to get ahold of me. thats all there is to that. you didnt apologize for the things you said because you felt bad. you barely even apologized. when i said those things, while i admit i had no place saying them. i meant them. wholeheartedly. i believe you never actually changed. you met and talked to trashy internet girls before me, and thats exactly what you did after me. you plan to move out of state to see one of them. that is the stupidest thing i've ever heard. and no, i dont know this for fact, but i KNOW you. youre going to throw your life away because youre bitter and hurt. be bitter and hurt. youre allowed to be. but this goes to show that you are either being fake now, or you were with me. i'm choosing to think that youre not being your true self now. it makes me feel better. you do what you want. i'm done with you. i'm done with the bullshit. i'm done with feeling bad about what youre going through. if you want to get into who's being insensitive, that would be you. the whole time you were text-yelling at me, i can bet you didnt even think about why i was over at my grandma's. you were to concerned with getting the "closure" you so desperately needed, even though i know you've been up "claire's" ass for weeks now. fuck this. fuck you. fuck all of it. i'm done. goodbye jordan.
man. i feel better. that needed to be said. sorry if none of you care. i needed an outlet. :]
Edit: I will say this. You ARE a good person. you have many positive qualities and will make someone very happy in life. i realize that the aforementioned information spins you in a horrible light, but.. what you said to me was horrible. so it can only be expected. i did love you once, and i loved you for many reasons. but those reasons quickly faded as i noticed you changing on me. so no, you are not a horrible person, but this particular action was quite horrible.
1 comment:
Bravo, Dani, bravo. this was wonderful. and hopefully you feel better now. i love you. BEEFS FO LYFE!
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