thinking

heres everything thats going through my mind...and then some...

>>my less than amazing grades. =[


they suck. plain and simple. F in ap chem. D in ap bio. what the hell am i gonna do? if i bring those grades home, i'll get shot. not to mention that i KNOW that arjay will walk around saying that ive turned into sean. that'll go on for about a month. seriously. i am trying so damn hard, its not getting any better, but i dont want to drop the classes. i cant. i'd never hear the end of it. not just from my parents, but from jo, kayla, stacey, and gabby. i mean, maybe not gabby, but the rest of them would never let it go. im already the *dumb one* in the group, that would make it worse. im conflicted.


>>samantha

for those of you who dont know her, she is my other half. well, my other other half. allie is too. but, sam and i have been through it all. i die without her. i miss her like crazy. she lives in northern michigan. i havent seen her in close to 4 years. shes changed. a lot. and not in positive ways either. we always used to say that smoking, drinking, drugs and all that other shit was pointless, which, i still firmly believe. her on the other hand, she doesnt think like that anymore. its almost like its what her life revolves around. we hardly talk anymore, and when we do shes telling me about how she ended her latest relationship and how she plans to drop out of school. im losing her. and im losing her fast. i cant handle that. i love her far too much. i want to help her so badly. but i cant. i know i cant. ugh.

>>dad

this is actually a positive thought in my mind. im proud of him. im honestly PROUD of my father. i dont believe hes been seriously drunk in a while. by a while i mean, not that ive heard of/noticed. i understand that he may just be sober when i speak to him, but you know what, ignorance is bliss in this case. im happy. im leaving it at that.

>>college

im excited and terrified at the same time. getting out of here will be the greatest day of my life. i feel like im actually making something out of my life. =] on the other hand, i feel like ive waited too long to take the tests. im scheduled to take the ACT on the 8th. if i bomb, i dont have time to redo tests. i'd be fucked. im just praying that i dont have to deal with that.

>>allie

i feel you need a mentioning. you make me giggle. its the highlight to some of my days.

>>sean

i missed him last night, he came over after work last night. i was gone. it made me kinda sad. that bitch has my borat movie. and his phone is shut off so i cant call to harass him about it!

well. i think im done.
i love you all.
--dani