Monday, December 31, 2007

may i have your attention please..

so its new years eve, and i want to say this:

its time for us to let go of all the shit we've been through this year. remember only the good things that happened. no more dwelling over things we can't fix. no more wondering about the what if's of days gone by.

ok. now that thats done...

2007 was a year i will never forget, for both good things and bad. i've had some pretty amazing times, and i've had to deal with things i wouldn't wish on anyone, but you know what, i got through it. (with the help of others of course).

speaking of which, now comes time for the shout outs.

Allie-- greatest friend ever. we've hung out a lot this year. its been really fun. hanging out with you is always interesting, to say the least. i know you've always got my back. i love you best friend =P

Samantha-- even though i know you'll probably never read this, i have to say somethings about you. we've kind of drifted this year, due to our lack of conversation. but you know what, that doesn't matter, you're still my best friend, my family. you've had your fair share of regrets this year, and you know that no matter what you do in life, i will always be here to catch you when you fall. i love you more than myself sam. you're the greatest!

Bobby-Jack-- you are quite possibly one of the only guys i completely trust in this world. take pride in that. (but not too much... =P) you and i didn't really start talking until this year, and i'm glad for that. you've helped me through a lot, and i dont think you know how much i truly appreciate it. you're a great person, and an even better friend.

Bethany-- without you, i'd be one photoless individual. we always have fun together, case and point, soaping the fountain. good times, good times. i love you, you're amazing!

MY ENTIRE FAMILY-- you guys are my backbone. without you i would fall apart. you keep me in line with what i need to do with my life, and for that i thank you. i love you guys more than you could ever know!

and this goes out to anyone not listed, youre amazing! my life wouldnt be the same without you.

now comes the time for me to say something cheesy in reference to the new year, but know what, no. im not going to.

i will say this though, 2008 better kick ass!
i love you all! <3

ps. im blasting this around for her. anyone that knows carrie, she just called and told me she got her acceptance letter from IPFW. yay carrie!

Monday, December 17, 2007

so this morning was interesting.
it was announced last night that there would be a two hour delay today.
so, i was sleeping in.
at about 6 ish, i was drifting in and out of sleep.
the phone rings. i ignore it.
6:30 the phone rings again. this call also gets ignored.
turns out the first call was from bobby-jack.
he was under the impression that the delay had been canceled.
so he calls allie, who also calls me (the second call).
they were wrong. well, bobby-jack was wrong.
its ok though.
hes a brave soul. calling my house that early. i wouldve shot him if i'd been woken up.

seriously though. it was nice of him to try and inform me.
if the delay had been canceled, i wouldve been late for school.

they canceled school today.
its nice.
my chem ap test and organic chem test have been moved.

last night.
it was odd for me.
i had been in this bad/awkward mood all day long.
it inspired a blog of apologies.
it didnt make sense to me why i had done it.

let me say this. my friends are amazing.
they helped me a lot.

i love you guys.


oo. im going to the mall with carrie in a few! wee! ily!

Sunday, December 16, 2007


Once in a While--Dishwalla


When you close your eyes do you like what you see
Inside your mind?
Do you like to dream about the stars above
Once in a while

Don't go to the other side for nothing at all
Better make it worth your while
Gonna break down that wall, gonna take the fall
Don't go to the other side
You might mess up that hair
Just wait you might change your mind
To think that people really care about your hair anyway


Don't go to the other side
Just get down on your knees
Show me what you are made of
I'm begging you please, just please go away
Don't go to the other side


people may interpret this differently.
this song speaks to me.
it makes me feel a bit better.

read it.
listen to it.
relate to it.



I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for anything that I've done thats pissed you off.
I'm sorry for
not being everything you've wanted me to be.
I'm sorry i cant live up to the expectations everyone has of me.
I'm sorry for
being less than a friend to most of you.
I'm sorry for panicking about the things that shouldn't be panicked over.

I'm sorry for pretending that the things you say don't bother me.
I'm sorry for my
inability to change you.
I'm sorry for trying.
I'm sorry for failing.
I'm sorry for acting.

I'm sorry for not showing you the real me.

I'm sorry for hiding.

I'm sorry for
my overbearingness.
I'm sorry for the stupid things i do.
I'm sorry for
not being able to save you.
I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me.
I'm sorry for being selfish.

I'm sorry for being annoying.

I'm sorry for this long list of apologies.

To put it simply, I'm sorry for everything.

I know anyone that reads this can relate to one of the things above.

I don't know the motive behind all this.
I woke up this morning in a less than amazing mood.

I just feel so
guilty about so much. So many of those things I cannot change.
It's those things that I want to change the most.

I've become something that I never wanted to be.
most of you wont know what that means, but it's true.
I feel like a hypocrite.
feel like I say one thing, and then do another.

I don't know whats wrong with me right now, I really don't.
writing about it isn't helping either.

to anyone that reads this: chances are, you mean a lot to me.
i thank you for everything that you've done for me.
love you.