Tuesday, January 29, 2008

im in an off mood

see her. thats samantha. i calls her sam. shes my other other half. (apparently i have three halves..allie claims one too..)
anyways. not the point.

most of you have at least heard of this girl. and if you havent. cough, willis, cough. shes my bestest friend and i lovers her lots.
but again, not the point.

ive been friends with sam for almost 9 years. she and i used to be suuuuuuuuuuper tight.
then i had to go and move. damn me. i havent seen her since my 15th birthday. (thats almost 3 years...)
its really starting to get to me. i miss the days when we would hang out nonstop. we were inseparable, not kidding. we would literally spend all day together. we were best friends, hell, we were family.
dont get me wrong, she still is. i just..i dont know. we've drifted A LOT over the past few months. im afraid that we are going to drift apart completely. i dont know that i could cope with that. i seriously think i'd break down. *pushes thought out of her mind*
im trying to go up there for spring break this year, but i dont think its gonna happen. dammit.

ok. im done ranting.


Monday, January 28, 2008


IU ACCEPTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*does a fucking backflip*

today is a good day!

that is all.
*dances wildly*


ps. skyway avenue--we the kings download. love.

this is the *im bored so lets update* post

i love my friends. they do little things that make me really happy.

for example.

from willis' VF journal.
Allie and Dani. I love you two. Youre amazing. Thats all you get. Keep at it. :]

from daniel.
dan-man [sillyfaceloserkins] <--- myspace name

i gave him the name in brackets.

gah. you guys are amazing.

now im going to copy what willis did, why?
because hes amazing and this looks like it could consume some of my time.
if i forget you, tell me.. you'll be added, and i'll make it extra amazing.


you are the peanut to my butter. around you, i can be as dumb as i want to be, and you dont care. (maybe thats because no matter how dumb i seem, youre always worse..idk..=]) but seriously, youre always there. i love you best friend.

hey zeus, saturday/sunday was a blast. aladdin dood, im still not over it. partying with you was great fun. youve got a long road ahead of you, i just pray you have the strength to get through it all, i love you bethany. remember that.

theres something going on with you, im not quite sure what it is yet, but, whatever it is.. talk to me about it. you make me laugh. you always know how to make me smile when im all...rawr. i love you for that.

having you live 750 miles away from me is reaaaaaaally starting to get to me. we've drifted, we never speak anymore. im terrified of losing you. you are the only person in this world that truly gets me. i may die without you.

you need to never speak to me again. i dont need you in my life. youre nothing but a cheating crack whore in my mind now. please, do me the favor of cutting your ties from my family so i can rid my life of you forever. kthanx.

im afraid youve reverted back to old habits. i have no proof of it yet, but i have really strong suspicions. i pray to god im wrong. i meant what i said to you back in october, you drink again, i quit. i wont watch you die. i wont let you ruin me.

dont let those last two shout outs make you think youre low on my list dear. youre not. =] youre a hoot. i love you.

im still not used to us getting along. its weird. but, i'll take what i can get. you living in marion would rock.

ok. im done for now.
i love you all.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

hey guess what.

im at bethany's dorm for the night.
expect a photo post sometime soon!

its going to be a fun night.

allie, bethany, and i....party.
and, i has a javamonster<3
super fun.

yay. that is all.



tea makes my world go round

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

i feel i need to type this.

i've had a bad day.
im far more insecure than i let on.

*note* what im about to say (well..type) is not me asking for any sort of pity. i hate pity. i just need to say it.

i ran in public today.
yeah, that took a lot. and i dont mean it took a lot of energy, i put a lot of thought into it.
gym, we had to run the mile today.
henderson gave me the option of running or walking, i decided to run it.
that was a bad idea.
i could run 2 out of 10 laps, by then i was so out of breath, i got dizzy and started tasting blood in my mouth. (not so sure that blood thing was supposed to happen)
so after that i walked it.
and as i was was walking, this was the one and only thought racing through my mind:

"once, just once, i want to be like everyone else. why can't i just be like everyone around me?"

im not gonna lie, there were a few tears.

i know that i say that walking the way that i do doesnt bother me, and on most days it doesnt.
but then there are days like these and i just wish i was someone else. someone normal. someone different.

im partially to blame in all this i guess, after my last surgery i was told to go to physical therapy, and i did. but then for some reason mom stopped scheduling appointments and i never bothered to force her to make them. i couldve been normal. i couldve been different, but i didnt care at the time. and im paying for it now. this is one of those things that i really wish i couldve done differently. everyone told me this was going to happen, but im to damn naive, and thought that the crip would fix itself.

the scary part in all this is, i think the tendon in my heel is reverting back to how it used to be, i catch myself standing like i used to a lot more now.
i have to stop that from happening.
i cant go back to that.

i dont know, i guess im writing this as sort of a way to make myself realize that deep down all i want is to be able to walk down the halls and not have someone stare at me. im tired of the looks. im tired of the snickers and remarks that i hear. i try to let it roll off of me, i really do, i cant anymore. im tired of pretending that im ok with this, because im really not.

im not saying that you have to be afraid to make mention to it every so often, but for anyone that reads this that has a nickname for me that is associated with the crip, im asking you now to please stop. (minus sean, cripply is ok..theres a different story behind that..).

ok. im done rambling for now.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

isnt this special.

ladies and gentlemen:
i give you, Jordan Willis....

that photo is my favorite.
that is all.
i love you.
ps. willis, im not allowed to die til im 30. remember that. xD

random post

im posting from allies computer.
lets see all the cool allie/dani photos she has....

the must all be on the hard drive....
or worse, she deleted them. O.O

is hard drive one word or two. neither really look right. im unsure.

what a waste of a post.
i love you all.

Friday, January 18, 2008

U of M Scare!


im an idiot.
i forgot to do some things on my U of M (University of Michigan :P) application!
*kicks self in the face*
im dumb.

because of this my application cannot be processed yet.
i am going to fax them the things i forgot, so its no big deal.

i just thought i'd share.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

i feel like updating.

lets start with lyrics.


Think about the love inside the strength of heart
Think about the heroes saving life in the dark
Climbing higher through the fire, time was running out
Never knowing you weren't going to be coming down alive
But you still came back for me
You were strong and you believed

Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.
Be strong. Believe.

Think about the chance I never had to say
Thank you for giving up your life that day
Never fearing, only hearing voices calling out
Let it all go, the life that you know, just to bring it down alive
And you still came back for me
You were strong and you believed

Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.

(Again today, we take into our hearts and minds those who perished on this site one year ago, and also those who came to toil in the rubble to bring order out of chaos, to help us make sense of our despair)

Wanna hold my wife when I get home
Wanna tell the kids they'll never know how much I love to see them smile
Wanna make a change or two right now
Wanna live a life like you somehow
Wanna make your sacrifice worthwhile

Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.

Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.

Think about the love inside the strength of heart
Think about the heroes saving life in the dark
Think about the chance I never had to say
Thank you for giving up your life that day

now for an actual update..
the lock-in drama is over.
thank god! its not necessarily settled, but ive stopped caring. its working out well for me so far. xD
the new semester is pretty good. i actually like the way i have my classes now.
and i have C lunch, with EVERYBODY! thats about to be a whole lot of amazing.

im really worried about the whole college thing.
i got a letter from ball state today saying that they hadnt recieved my ACT scores yet. i took the test on december 8th.
should i be worried?

my life is going pretty well right now, im actually really happy.
i get my mac in like a week. xDDDD yay me.
well, it may not be a mac, but something tells me mom is going to splurge and buy it. *crosses fingers*

ok. thats it for now.
i love you all

Monday, January 14, 2008

coming clean

im settling all the damn rumors ive heard today.

no, i did not talk about EVERYONE at the lock-in.
yes, i did talk about bobby-jack.
yes, i was a bitch for doing it, but we've talked about it, its done with.
yes, i mentioned some things about kirsti, she now knows about that too, or she will soon.
no, i did not cause the break up between steven and kirsti, kirsti and steven did.
yes, i have a strong opinion regarding john shrout.
no, im not going to change my previous blog for fear of him reading it, read it john, i want you to.
think what you want about me, see if i care. i dont need you in my life.
no, im not a cold heartless bitch.
yes, i feel bad about the prank getting out of hand.
yes, i do understand everyones point of view on the situation.

im forgetting about friday, im forgetting about this weekend.
im dropping it all, except for the foreseeable drama with john that i expect tomorrow, i'll deal with that, and then i'll get over it. like i said, he doesnt matter to me.

and if you think im a royal bitch when you read this, fine. im ok with that.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

lock-in drama.

heres the deal with all that.
people got pissed that the room that sam was sleeping in got air horned.
tori did it, he pinned it on allie.
allie did nothing.
sam is fine.
people need to let that shit go.

ive lost friends over this. and that doesnt bother me.
apparently allie has changed me, and not in good ways.
bullshit. its true, allie can be a bit...socially awkward, but ya know what, thats why i love her.
shes not afraid to be different. shes comfortable in her own skin, which is more than i can say for a lot of people.

so yes, allie probably has changed me, but, my personality is no different than it was a year ago.
i wont take my *friends* bashing her the way they have anymore. this goes out to zoe, bethany, mariah, hannah, and jocelyn:
you dont like allie. fine.
but, choose your audience, im her best friend, nothing you say or do is going to change that. so you can stop calling her a prissy snob, because shes not, and your opinion no longer matters to me. screw you. my loyalties lie with her, they always will. i will jump to her defense any time i feel i need to.

dont get me wrong, if i feel allie has screwed up, i'll be the first to tell her shes wrong, and she knows that.

in this case, i dont believe she was wrong. she wasnt the one that pulled the trigger on that air horn, tori was. be mad at him, not allie.
i realize that zoe, mariah, hannah, bethany or jocelyn probably wont read this, but i need to say that.

as for those of you that insisted on creating this drama for yourselves, i suggest that you dont attend another lock-in. pranks happen, you cant stop them. people get woken up, they fall back asleep. if youre going to carry it on forever and not let it go, its best that you dont go to lock-ins. i dont want people like you there anymore. youre a bunch of babies in my opinion. this is really childish, and you know it. dont come to another one, if you do, dont talk to me. im not dealing with your drama anymore.
and this goes out to sam: im sorry for the situation that you found yourself in. tori shouldnt have done what he did, and im very sorry.

john shrout:
ive got words for you. for you to say what you did about bobby in front of the three people that care the most about him in this world was wrong, and you know it. i have far more respect for him than i ever will have for you, you did what you did solely to tear him down. your an asshole. true, i did say stuff about kirsti, i said she was shady and that i didnt trust her. in my mind, thats not insulting. you called my best friend *extremely low class* someone who didnt deserve brandie, youre wrong. how dare you say that about bobby-jack. and as far as what you told steven, what business did you have saying that to him, true, he needed to know...but you didnt say what you did to inform him of the situation, you did it to hurt him. you did it because youre an ass. youre a loser who takes pleasure in the agony of others, and you can rot in hell for all i care.

mariah haley:
you need to learn how to keep your mouth shut. you went and told bobby everything that happened friday night. you ruined everything. you made things a lot worse for us, we had every intention of telling him the things we said, we had a good way of going about it, and because of you i was forced to explain everything i said via IM, the most trashy way of going about it. im done with you because of this, you couldve cost me one of the most valuable friendships i have, and i really dislike you because of it. mind your own damn business.

now that im done calling out others, im going to own up to something that has been tearing at me ever since i left the lock-in.

bobby-jack, even though you say ive been forgiven for the things i said, i still feel horrible. im happy youve forgiven me, but whats getting to me is ive done something i swore i'd never do. i talked about my friend behind their back, and i hate myself for it. i was wrong, it all came out in the wrong way, we've talked about this already so im not going to dwell on it much longer i just need you to know that i'm very sorry.

allie, steven and willis:
thank you for keeping the night sane for me, i almost lost it there for a bit. you guys rock.

ok. im done with the lock-in. everything is let go. im done.


while i still agree with most of the things i said in them, some things were said only out of anger. john, i still disagree with your opinion regarding bobbyjack, its your opinion and youre entitled to it. im sorry for the things i said about you.
mariah, i still firmly believe that you needed to mind your own business with the whole bobbyjack issue. it was wrong. but there are no hard feelings about it anymore.
i guess the point of this is, when i get mad, im mad for about a week, and then im over it. i feel like a total ass for doing this, ive lost friendships because of it, and i hate that.
this is my apology to everyone involved, but mostly...its an apology to john. i was a bitch, and i know it. im sorry.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

photo post.

i'm going to do a photo post now.
the photos in this post arent directed towards any certain occasion, im just bored so im doing something to make it go away.
me. on christmas. yay for rainbow yarn.

paramore kicks major bootay!

Olivia<3 i babysit her.
i love her lots.

these two are amazing. yep yep yep. i heart them.

tubing! woo!

i'll add more later, im sure.



most know it as *Mothers Against Drunk Driving*
but no.

i bring a new meaning to that acronym.
Musical Attention Deficit Disorder.

many people in this world suffer from MADD.
most need help to stop.

this is Bobby-Jack's story.

*amazing intervention theme music*

my dear friend, hes got a problem you see..
he is constantly changing the song on his profile.
at first i thought he just couldnt decide on a song.
but then it got to the point where its all he would do.
all day, he would tell me to check out his new song.

it became an unhealthy obsession.

i decided an intervention was necessary.

but, they wont take me seriously, so...

his urge to give into the MADD has subsided for now, but who knows..
that monster could show its ugly face at any moment.

symptoms of MADD
>>a constant change of song whether it be on ones myspace or just when they are listening to music.
>>an unsatisfiable need for new music.
>> and something else, if you think its weird, and its related to music..its probably a symptom. =P

remember, MADD is usually brought about by boredom. AVOID BOREDOM AT ALL COSTS!

Bobby-Jack has been MADD free since about 4:00 this afternoon.

10 things you dont know about me.

1. despite what i say, i let what others think of me get to me.

2. i am very insecure.

3. i have lots of OCD tendencies. you may think you know all of them, but i assure you, you dont.

4. i hate the crip. and i hate all nicknames associated with it.

5. i carry guilt for something that i let ruin someones life. dont ask. i wont tell.

6. i am very critical of myself

7. i am willing to die for almost everyone i know. not kidding.

8. i hold grudges.

9. i hide a lot of myself from others because i am deathly afraid of what they'll think.

10. i screen all of my phone calls, and if im having a bad day, i talk to no one.