"Are We Getting Closer or Are We Just Getting More Lost?"

[Song.Swing Life Away.Rise Against]

This is a song that hasn't been played in my iTunes since July 12th of 2009.

I love it, but it's just one of those songs. One of those songs, by one of those bands, and I just couldn't do it.

I realize that a blog post is not the best possible platform for this, but I have to get this all out and this is the only way I can do it.

Here's hoping that someone makes you read this. 

You were my best friend. The best friend I could have ever had. And then you were more than that. Then I fell for you. I fell hard. And then it was good. It was great. Until it wasn't anymore. And at that point, we were this awkward thing. I don't know what it was, but I hated it. I hated the limbo. I hated not knowing what to do or how to act around you. I hated not knowing what to say to you. Talking to you used to be like breathing. It was so easy. But there came a time when I had to carefully plan every word that I said. And then feelings got in the way. I started to crumble. I did the only thing I thought I could do. I disappeared. I thought it made everything easier. But the truth? I acted like it didn't matter. I acted like I didn't care. I cared. It mattered. 

I don't know what changed. I have no idea what caused it, but something changed. Now I want nothing more than to be able to say hi to you. I don't want anything more from you. I know you're probably happy now, and I love that. It's not like that at all. I just want to have my friend back. I know Its not something that I can expect from you, but I would give anything to be able to say hi to you again. I don't know how you feel. I do know that you asked me not to disappear, and that was a week ago. I'm trying. I don't know what else to do to make you see that I would love to talk to you again. 

This is my last attempt, though. If you don't respond to this, I'll leave you alone and go on. I just want you to know that I miss talking to you. I miss hanging out. If you read this, you know my number. You know my email. You know where to find me. I'll be waiting to hear from you.

If not, I sincerely hope you know that I wish you nothing but the best. I will always wish you the best. I hope you have a great life and I hope you know that I'll always be around. :)

Okay, I'm done now. Sorry to anyone who didn't really want to read this. I needed to say it, though.

In a Little While--Uncle Kracker

Here's to the good life or so they say

All those parties and games that all those people play

They tell me this is the place to be

All these beautiful people and nothin' to see

Sometimes I feel like something is gone here

Something is wrong here, I don't belong here

Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town

And I've lost what I found, it'll all turn around

[CHORUS]

In a little while I'll be thinkin' about you

In a little while I'll still be here without you

You never gave me a reason to doubt you

In a little while I'll be thinkin' about you baby...I'll be thinkin' about you baby

On the other side of a coin

There's a face there's a memory somewhere that I can't erase

And there's a place that I find someday

But sometimes I feel like it's slippin' away

Sometimes I feel like something is gone here

Something is wrong here, I don't belong here

Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town

And I've lost what I found, it'll all turn around

In a little while I'll be thinkin' about you

In a little while I'll still be here without you

You never gave me a reason to doubt you

In a little while I'll be thinkin' about you baby...I'll be thinkin' about you baby

Some things are lost some left behind

Some things are better left for someone else to find

Maybe in time I can finally see

I just wonder, wonder if you think about me

Sometimes I feel like something is gone here

Something is wrong here, I don't belong here

Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town

And I've lost what I found, it'll all turn around

In a little while I'll be thinkin' about you

In a little while I'll still be here without you

You never gave me a reason to doubt you

In a little while I'll be thinkin' about you baby...I'll be thinkin' about you baby

In a little while I'll be thinkin' about you

In a little while I'll still be here without you

You never gave me a reason to doubt you

In a little while I'll be thinkin' about you baby...I'll be thinkin' about you baby

I Need a Capri Sun

It's days like today that make me realize that even though it's weird, I'm really glad we're friends. Talking to you always puts a smile on my face. :) Just thought you needed to know. :D

xoxo

Best Friend :)

December 9th, 2009

It's been two years, and it still makes me cry when I think about it. Sadness just hit me like a brick. 

He was one of my heroes, and he will always be someone I will live to impress. 

Jack Clarke, Grandpa, I miss you today. I miss you everyday. <3

Love, 

Dani

It's Been an Interesting Couple of Days

Have you ever had something happen that conflicts with damn near everything you grew to know and understand, but you don't really care even though you know you should? Well, I have, and this is really starting to make my heart hurt a little. :/ Blah.

See You Soon--Jason Aldean

Lets don't say goodbye
I hate the way it sounds
So if you don't mind
Lets just say for now...

See you when I see you
Another place another time
If I ever get down your way
Or your ever up around mine
We'll laugh about the old days
And catch up on the new
Yeah see you when I see you
And I hope it's some day soon

God made this old world round
And maybe it's that way
So the paths we go down
Yeah I will cross again some day
And someday I'll...

See you when I see you
Another place another time
If I ever get down your way
Or you ever up around mine
We'll laugh about the old days
And catch up on the new
Yeah see you when I see you
And I hope it's some day real soon
I hope it's some day soon
 
See you when I see you
Another place another time
If I ever get down your way
Or you ever up around mine just stop by
We'll laugh about the old days
And catch up the new
Yeah see you when I see you till then my prayers are with you
And I hope it's some day soon

I'll see you when I see you

Stay tuned for a real post

I'm working on a pretty awesome post about the last 4 years of my life. Stay tuned. It's going to be great. :)

In the meantime...

This is the song I'm currently listening to on repeat

Jake Owen--Barefoot Blue Jean Night

Listen. :)

It's October!

Well, it's October again, and do you know what that reminds me of? I'll tell you. Photo post time!! :D

The first thing I think of actually comes as a set.

Cider and Donuts!

The essential "Fall" food items. I mean look at them, don't they look awesome? :)

HOMECOMING! There are so many fun memories attached to last years homecoming. :) I will never look at pinot grigio and oreos the same way ever again. This was a really fun day for all of us, I think. I know we're really pumped to do it again this year. :D

Caving. My roommate, she's cute sometimes. Back when my life was nothing but chaotic idiocy, she told me that I was skipping classes one day and we were going on a surprise road trip. That surprise? Caving! We drove to southern Indiana to this cave place (the name of which I cannot remember at the moment) and we spent our afternoon spelunking! We both want to go back sometime soon. It was  a lot of fun, and it totally made my life a lot better at the time. 

**Side note** Chelsea, you sort of rock. :) Haha. Rock. Caving. Get it? I'm hilarious. :D

Anyway, this was one of the more fun times I've had. I'm ready to do it again. Lets go, Chels. :D

Had a good weekend, but..

Today is one of those "I'm just in a bad mood" kind of days. :/

"Come on, Come on, Come on and Dance With Me."

[Come Dance With Me. Frank Sinatra]

Thunder, rain, homework, and Frank. There have been worse nights. :)

My Dad Would Do This, Too...

"Because being a dad is my number one job, as much as I love you all, if she calls, I'm going to talk to her." --Probably the greatest Professor I've had    

Awww.

Dear Sorostitute at Starbucks, Please Read This Carefully:

There are some people that I encounter in my life and I just can't help but wonder "What the hell is wrong with you?" I just encountered one of these people. 

I was getting coffee here at the Starbucks in the union and while I was walking back to my table this girl gives me the most obvious stare as I walked by her. Normally I don't notice [nor do I normally give a damn] these stares I get from people, but this girl was SHAMELESS. I'm talkin' head turned as I passed, watched me walk all the way back to the table from the counter. I looked up and met her eyes as she stared at me just after she let out a giggle. Now, I can only assume that I gave her a look that could kill, because she immediately got this sad look on her face, apologized, and walked away awfully quickly.

I get it. I walk funny. Congratulations, girl in Starbucks, you now know what I've known my whole life. Next time? Just ask me what's wrong with me. Making up a story is so much more fun that having the overwhelming urge to slap the stupid off your face. 

That being said, let me just vent a smidge about this. 

Yes, I am a 'twee bit crippled' [Thanks, Chels, for reminding me of that the other day. You're hilarious. :p] For those of you who don't really know what's wrong, I'll take the time to tell you. I was born 2 months premature, and as a result of that, I have what they call Cerebral Palsy. It affected the Achilles tendon in my heels. I used to walk A LOT worse than I do now, but that's mostly because I've had three surgeries to attempt to correct the issue. The second one fixed my left leg, but it apparently didn't stick with the right one. So, when I was 14 we gave it another shot. That one worked in the sense that I can now put my right heel to the ground. Other than that, though, I would consider the last surgery I had to be ineffective. I was upset about this once upon a time, but now not so much.

That's just me, and I'm okay with that. But it's times like today where I'm just dumbfounded by people. Staring? Okay, I get that. It's different. You can't help it. Whatever. But laughing? Come on, you're in college now. Grow up a little. When you giggle, you don't make me depressed or sad. You piss me off. You must be one ignorant person to find that funny, and you must lack brain cells all together to think that I don't know that you're doing it. Next time remember this:

I'm much more than just a girl who walks funny. I'm one of the nicest people you'd ever meet. I can be the best friend you'd ever have. I think I'm kinda funny. I'm pretty smart when I try hard enough. I have the ability to laugh at myself, and I'm completely okay with who I am. Can you say the same? No, probably not. You're probably the kind of person who thrives on the acceptance of others, and you crumble without it. Me? Nah. You don't like me? Fine. I don't really need you to like me. I've got the best friends that I could ask for. So, girl in Starbucks, think before you stare at someone who doesn't prance around in leggings and sperrys just like you. Think next time. 

Okay. I'm done ranting now. Have a lovely day everyone. :)