Thursday, September 30, 2010
i'm tired of people coming at me from an unfair angle and controlling the outcomes of situations.
i'm tired of apologizing for things i'm not sorry about.
i'm tired of being a pushover.
it stops now.
i just went off on the one person who complicates my life more than anything in the world, and it felt wonderful. i'm almost sorry i was so harsh, but at the same time, i spoke my mind. i said exactly what i thought. and i felt so much better. the fact that i may have just ruined that friendship, which was about four years in the making kinda sucks, but i spoke my mind. i felt better.
i'm going do that from now on. i'm going to let it all hang out. you dont like it, then tough cookies.
deal with it.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
nothing bad happened, but i've been in a shit-tastic mood all day.
life just needs to knock it the hell off.
ps. i need a vacation.
and a date would be nice too.
i want someone to make me feel special. kaythanksbye.
man.. life needs to slow down. i mean, really.
just a run down of my life at the present time:
1. i hate finite. its stupid. its not HARD, but its overly time consuming. i did not do well on my first exam, so i have to bust my ass the rest of the semester. helloooo office hours! having a friend in there is helping though, so i'll be okay. hopefully.
2. work. what to say about work. i really dont HATE it, but lets look at what it's doing to me.
a) i work EVERY friday and saturday, without fail. this is unfortunate for several reasons. i cant do anything on friday nights, and i dont want to do anything saturday nights because i'm friggin exhausted. major cut into the social life. also, this leaves me with sunday to do homework. thats fine and all, but i feel super stressed on sundays because of it.
b) people at work, while nice, dont talk. not really. we pretty much just stand there in silence. this is entirely different from back home. going to work was fun. i didnt mind it at all. people talked. we didnt ignore one another. it was nice.
overall, work is okay. i mean, i did this schedule to myself. next semester, i'm going to try and have only M/W or T/R classes. those days will be busy, but then i can work during the week and have some weekend days off. that'll be good for me.
3. family. while i find it inappropriate to post whats going on with this group on a blog, just know that some stuff is going on, and its stressing me out. really stressing me out.
4. to my roommate: upon recent discovery, you think i'm avoiding you. this could not be further from the truth. if i were avoiding you, i would not do it passively, as you claim. i'd make it blatantly obvious, i assure you. i've been busy with school, and with life drama. let me take this time to explain to you why you have not seen me this past week.
--M/W: you go in at 7. i have gone in with you these past few weeks, and will probably do so again. however, these past two weeks, i've been up til the wee hours of the morning doing homework and destressing, so i sleep in. thats all that is.
--T/R: these past two weeks i've gone into campus early to work on finite homework with kylee. its a time that works for her [it happens to be 8 am, which is sort of unfortunate], and so i go in because we work well together. we understand things that the other doesnt, its beneficial.
--as for the evenings, i've been going over to chelsea's, for a variety of reasons. last night it was to help her out with a poetry paper, the other nights its been to just hang out.
now.. i'll discuss this with you personally as well, but know that the conversation we had last week has not really left my mind. that just adds weird tension. i'm not upset with you, at all. i'll talk to you this afternoon about it.
anywayyyy.. back to my life.
the good stuff.
mom is coming to visit next sunday. :D
im going to WI for spring break. why do i choose snow and cold over florida and warm? because i'm dumb. thats why. also because its going to be the best week ever!!!! :D
hanging out with chelsea and her muffin is probably one of the better times in my life. you kids are cool. just sayin.
i'm going to take a nap when i get home. who's excited? i'm excited.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
to my silly haired best friend: it is only fitting that you are at the top of my list. you are my wifey, after all. you are quite possibly my favorite person ever. even though we are presently long distance beefs, i know you will always pick up the phone when i call you even though you know i'm probably calling to bitch about something or another. you da bestest. fuck those bitches who make your life hell. i love you. them other bitches matter not. :D
to my favorite red head: i pretty much live with you. you and me, we're the best pair of people this world has ever seen. thank you for allowing me to spend every ounce of my free time in your presence. you are quite fun. i love you.
to starbucks: even though i spend too much money at your various establishments, i love you. thank you for giving me my coffee fix on the daily. but today, you suck a little. its fuckin freezing in here. turn the air off. damn.
to my study buddy: you make finite much easier. and you make me laugh. we're friends and its cool. :D
to my teen mom and hot fudge milkshake companion: i miss you. we have not gotten together in some time. stop being so academically responsible and hang out with me once and a while. geesh. :D
to my itunes: thank you for know exactly what song to play 99% of the time.
to my mom: i am pretty excited that you are coming to visit next weekend. yaaay shopping!!
to my new friend: even though you are the worst texter backer ever, youre still a pretty cool guy. sorry if i annoy you. youre new. its what i do to new people. sorry. :p
now for the thing that is irritating me.
fridays and saturdays, where have you gone? oh. thats right. i spend my weekends at work. this is stupid. i hate my job. i really really do. i like the people i work with, minus one. hes a douche a lot of the time. and that just makes my life really unpleasant. dear work, stop being lame. thanks.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Talk about inconvenient timing. oof. :/
anyway. the post i am meaning to write is this:
ladies and gents, i give you the soundtrack of my life,
2. Ironic—Alanis Moriesette
3. Music of the Night—Andrew Lloyd Webber [Phantom of the Opera]
4. Freak Out—Avril Lavigne
5. Boys of Summer—The Ataris
6. Airplanes—B.oB ft. Hayley Williams
7. Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)—Backstreet Boys
8. It’s All Been Done—Barenaked Ladies
9. Angel in the Night—Basshunter
10. All I Ever Wanted—Basshunter
11. Yellow Submarine—The Beatles
13. She Talks to Angels—The Black Crowes
14. Hard to Handle—The Black Crowes
16. Easy Target—Blink-182
17. All the Small Things—Blink-182
18. Water—Brad Paisley
20. Aint No Rest for the Wicked—Cage the Elephant
21. Cowboy Casanova—Carrie Underwood
22. Evacuate the Dancefloor—Cascada
23. You’re Not in on the Joke—Cobra Starship
24. Guilty Pleasure—Cobra Starship
25. Prostitution is the World’s Oldest Profession—Cobra Starship
26. A Long December—Counting Crows
27. Redneck Yacht Club—Craig Morgan
28. Dreams—The Cranberries
29. Chainsaw—Daniel Merrieweather
30. Crash into Me—Dave Matthews Band
31. Roll to Me—Del Amitri
32. White Flag—Dido
33. Once in a While—Dishwalla
34. Save Tonight—Eagle Eyed Cherry
35. We Made You—Eminem
36. Love the Way You Lie—Eminem ft. Rihanna
37. When Autumn Blooms—The End Times Spasm Band
38. Tears in Heaven—Eric Clapton
39. Layla—Eric Clapton
40. Inside Out—Eve 6
42. Swagger—Flogging Molly
43. If I Ever Leave This World Alive—Flogging Molly
44. Black Friday Rule—Flogging Molly
45. Drunken Lullabies—Flogging Molly
46. Cruel Mistress—Flogging Molly
47. The Likes of You Again—Flogging Molly
48. Follow You Down—The Gin Blossoms
49. Black Balloon—Goo Goo Dolls
50. Acoustic #3—Goo Goo Dolls [This is the song you said you could fall asleep to] :p
51. Last of the American Girls—Green Day
53. Bubble Toes—Jack Johnson
54. Pray For You—Jaron and the Long Road to Love [This is funny, listen to it]
55. Ridin’ Solo—Jason Derulo
56. The Remedy—Jason Mraz
57. If it Kills Me—Jason Mraz
58. Karma—Jessica Andrews
59. She’s a Genius—Jet
60. The Middle—Jimmy Eat World
61. Half of My Heart—John Mayer
62. Daughters—John Mayer
63. Almost Honest—Josh Kelley
64. I Go Back—Kenny Chesney
65. Just Dance—Lady Gaga
66. Paper Gangsta—Lady Gaga
67. Summer Girls—LFO
68. Girl Like That—Matchbox 20
69. Bitch—Meredith Brooks
70. Save the Last Dance For Me—Michael Bublé
71. Turn Off the Lights—Lights Over Paris
72. Only Prettier—Miranda Lambert
73. Unnatural Selection--Muse
74. Smells Like Teen Spirit—Nirvana
76. Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)—The Offspring
77. Where the Lines Overlap—Paramore
78. Even Flow—Pearl Jam
79. Peaches—Presidents of the United States of America
80. Losing My Religion—R.E.M.
81. Dani California—Red Hot Chili Peppers [You had to know this was going on here]
82. Swing Life Away—Rise Against
83. Snowblind—Rob Thomas
84. Breakeven—The Script
85. All I Wanna Do—Sheryl Crow
86. All Star—Smashmouth
87. When I’m Gone—Simple Plan
88. Spice Up Your Life—The Spice Girls
89. Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong—Spin Doctors
90. What I got—Sublime
91. Fly—Sugar Ray
92. Fat Lip—Sum 41
93. Break Your Heart—Taio Cruz
94. How’s it Gonna Be—Third Eye Blind
95. Free Fallin’—Tom Petty [this is my favorite song, of all time, without a doubt]
96. Hey Soul Sister—Train
97. Horchata—Vampire Weekend
98. Diplomat’s Son—Vampire Weekend
99. Best I Ever Had—Vertical Horizon
100. Dig Dig Dig—The Vincent Black Shadow
101. Metro—The Vincent Black Shadow
102. One Headlight—The Wallflowers
103. Buddy Holly—Weezer
This was done for two reasons. 1) as an answer to a question in the ongoing line of questioning between me and Jory. 2) to help the kid out, he told me he didn't listen to music much. this is simply not okay with me. So, not only did i ask him to do the same thing [create a playlist of songs that he thinks describes him], i gave him this list of songs that i love/say a little about me. :D
Good stuff? I think so.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Songs that make my life better at the present time:
If it Kills Me--Jason Mraz
Love the Way You Lie--Eminem & Rihanna
Change Your Mind--Sister Hazel
Free Fallin'--Tom Petty
Go make a playlist of these songs, watch what it does to your mood. :]
Thursday, September 16, 2010
It's kind of sad though, I just met this kid tonight, and he's a pretty cool guy. He moves to Minn. on Saturday. So, it was a fun hang out. Chelsea and Bpell are fun to hang out with.
I had a good night. Now. Bed. Goodnight!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
C: I'm sorry I broke plans with you, darlin'. It will never happen again. I love you!
A: While I think the likelyhood of you actually seeing this post and reading it is EXTREMELY low, know that I am perfectly okay with covering for you. It is not a problem at all, I just wish I wouldn't have "double-booked" my time. That's all. :]
S: You are not my favorite. I want Melissa back.
Monday, September 13, 2010
out of everything I've ever done or said in my time, there is ONE thing I can honestly say that I regret.
I honestly do not think I should have folded when I did.
Just a thought I've been pondering.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
One day I'm content and happy and the next I feel like punching babies. Today was an okay day, but I have suddenly been overcome with sadness, or something like sadness.
I can't really describe it except by saying I have that weird feeling in my throat followed by that even stranger feeling you get in your chest when you know something bad is gonna happen. Maybe I'm just being emotional because I'm a girl. [That's what girls do, right?] Who knows.
However, I do know that I cannot keep having mini-breakdowns every other day. I need to confront the issues I'm having with myself. I need to deal with whatever is bothering me.
Simple? No. I have no idea what is bothering me. Not really. Not enough to fix anyway. Perhaps it's just a phase, and I'll grow out of it? Hopefully, because this is getting a smidge ridiculous.
Sorry for being vague, I guess I have yet to deem my issues internet worthy. Thanks for reading, though. :]
Saturday, September 11, 2010
rather than spend needless time updating you on things I know none of you care about, I'll just tell you my recent outlook on my life. [yes, I know, you probably don't care about that either. shush.]
I have spent the better part of the past month worrying. worrying about school. worrying about work. worrying about money. worrying about everything. let me tell you what. the time for worrying is over. I have to stop it. I'm going to give myself a coronary if I keep this up.
instead of worrying, I'm going to focus. weird concept for me, I know. but think about it. if I focus on the things I need to do, things will inevitably fall into place. I focus on school, I get good grades. I get good grades, I graduate. I graduate, I get a spectacular job. I focus on work [CVS] and it goes by faster. like today, for example, it was truck day. I was doing truck all day. lifting totes, emptying totes, lifting more totes, ect. I was productive. I focused on the job, and time flew by. I kid you not, I felt like I was there for 4 hours. I was there for 8.5.
so, I have a new plan. I am going to focus. I am going to give this semester my all. I will do well. I will do things in a timely manner and I will not procrastinate. I will use leechblock to the fullest of its ability. I will go to office hours. I will get help on my stupid finite. I will do well this semester.
I will also stop being so damn whiney all the time. there are things in my life that i don't like. the only person that can change them is me. there's no point in whining over it. if i don't like it. I should change it. I need to quit being a baby.
well. this turned into quite the nonsensical bit of blabber. I'm sorry for that. I'll go now. :]