December 25th. :D

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Privatized Posting:

Because my roommate reads everything I post, and then insults me and throws said posts in my face via cowardice text messages, I have made my blog private. If you received an email, congratulations, you have access. Sorry you have to log in to read it, I think that's stupid, but I had to make this private for my own sanity. :]

I love you all. :D

ugh.

i'm never one to be an emotional wreck, but i have officially been beaten down enough to where the only thing i want to do is cry. i have finals to worry about, i do not need this. just let me move out and be done with it. for the love of all that is holy, just let me leave.

December 9th.

I would just like to take the time to repeat a post:

A tribute to an incredible man.. He was a man among men, a man who stood above the rest. He was a loving, caring, brilliant, and funny man. He always knew what to say to make any situation better, and he knew what to say to get a little girl to eat her green beans. He was a husband, a father, a brother, and an uncle. But perhaps what is most important to me, he was a grandpa. He was my grandpa. I will always remember him as a very witty and loving person who told the most interesting stories. I will also remember those moments when I heard grandma yell "Jack!" to grandpa, who was asleep and snoring on the couch. (there were a lot of these moments.. ) I'll always remember the letter he wrote me just before I went off to college. He told me to stay away from people lathered in oil and to never forget "liquor before beer.." He ended this letter by telling me that he was proud of me and the young woman I was growing up to be. Here's the thing you didn't know, grandpa.. I am far more proud of you than you ever could be of me. You were a great husband, and a great father and grandfather. You were a rock for all of us. You demonstrated great strength all the way to the end. You faced more challenges in a short amount of time than most men face in a lifetime, and yet you would always smile and say "Hi Dani, how are you sweetie?" every time you saw me. Your body was weak at the end, but you were still unbelievably strong. For that, you are my hero. I only hope to be as great a person as you were. Even though we all miss you terribly, we know that you are staring down at us probably smiling in your subtle way. We all know that you're better this way. You're healthy and happy now. We accept that and are happy for it. But you will always be missed. You will always be on our minds and in our hearts. We love you grandpa. I love you. please hear this and know that. Love always, Dani and Your Family

**this was a tribute i posted exactly one year ago, and let me just say that he is missed and loved so much. i just want to take the time to say, again, that my grandpa was a wonderful man. a great husband, son, brother, uncle, father, and especially to me, grandfather. its still really strange to think that he isn't here anymore. but, as corny as it may sound, i know parts of him are still here. and that's what makes me smile. i see him when i look at my brother when he wears glasses. i see him when my mom says something funny. i miss him, and i love him, and i wont ever forget how important he was to me. love you grandpa. we all miss you.**

The Wicked Witch at Last is Dead!

"As Mayor of the Munchkin City in the county of the Land of Oz, I welcome most regally."
"But we've got to verify it legally"
"To see"
"To see.."
"If she"
"If she.."
"Is morally, ethically.."
"Spiritually, Physically.."
"Positively, Absolutely.."
"Undeniably, and Reliably"
"DEAD!"

"As Coroner, I must affirm, I've thoroughly examined her. And She's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead!"

one more thing..

I MISS MY BEEF SOMETHIN AWFUL!

"in december drinking horchata.."

[horchata. vampire weekend.]

a few things:

1. i feel as though i cannot say this enough, to chelsea and kylee, you girls are the best. thank you for letting me crash at your place so much. and for my flame key. its almost as sexy as the two of you. :]

2. the word "pimp" appears before the word "shop" in my phone's T9. win? yes.

3. Horchata by Vampire Weekend could very well be the best song in existence.

4. I GET TO GO HOME TOMORROW. i miss my family. i cannot wait to see them. :]

Indiana, the dry state

"You cannot get drunk on a Sunday, ma'am."
"Dani, you can't BUY alcohol on Sunday, but nobody said you can't get drunk on Sunday."

I love my other roommate. She's delightful.

a message from my grandfather? i think so.

[lets get away from it all. frank sinatra.]

Let's take a boat to Bermuda
Let's take a plane to Saint Paul.
Let's take a kayak to Quincy or Nyack,
Let's get away from it all.

They say there's no place
quite like home
A charming thought it's true
But until the world we roam
how can we be sure

Let's take a trip in a trailer
No need to come back at all.
Let's take a powder to Boston for chowder,
Let's get away from it all.

We'll travel 'round from town to town,
We'll visit ev'ry state.
I'll repeat, "I love you sweet!"
In all the forty-eight.

Let's go again to Niag'ra
This time we'll look at the Fall.
Let's leave our hut, dear,
Get out of our rut, dear,
Let's get away from it all.

Skipping Class to go Spelunking!

I went on my surprise vacation today.
I went caving. :]
It was a lot of fun.
I have the best friend ever. :D

things i love:

*Straight No Chaser in the morning.
*Having the best other roommates in the whole world.
*Having the best support system known to man.
*Getting really good advice from he who always eats indian without me. [I really gotta learn to start TAKING that advice sometimes..]
*The color yellow.
*Vanilla Lattes.
*My little brother and his lady killin' ways.
*Jason Mraz.
*Having THE best mom ever. :D
*Ryan Reynolds [marry me.. please]
*SURPRISES.
*Tiny Pomeranian's named Buddy.
*Frank Sinatra cover songs.
*Singing in the car.
*Cats named Henry waking me up by jumping on my face.
*The IU song.
*Dr. Pepper
*Retail Therapy.
*Road Trips.
*Text messages from random people who make me smile.
*Dancing like no one is watching.
*Truck Days.
*Mountain. Dew.

An apology:

Sorry to everyone that I'm friends with.
I keep whining to all of you concerning my life drama.
I'm going to stop doing that.
None of you deserve to be my on-call therapist.
Thank you for being there for me though.
You guys rock.

Dear SPEA,

Quit giving me classes to take that Onestart wont let me add. :/
This scheduling thing is really starting to stress me out.
Love, Dani

Time for an update on my life:

Well, kids, it's November. Time for an update on the things in my life that i KNOW you could care less about. But guess what? Class is boring me to tears, so you get to read this anyway.

1. to the boy in the boston celtics shirt that came into work saturday: you smelled absolutely wonderful and your eyes were gorgeous. please come back soon. i liked staring at you. :]

2. i have the best friends the world could ever ask for. to c-wikka wikka and beef especially, you guys have put up with so much bullshit and whiny behavior from me as of late. i'm terribly sorry for that. you both know that i'm generally a happy person and i hate that i've been so terribly whiny. you guys are both really awesome about listening to my anger induced rants. thank you. i love you both. to the rest of you, i love you guys too. :]

3. halloween weekend was quite fun, work and all. i got to wear pajamas to work saturday. that was nice, considering i totally forgot to set my alarm and woke up 3 minutes before i had to walk out the door. Nick brought bathrobes for us to wear while working. it was probably the best thing ever. a lady called me unprofessional. i told her she had no holiday spirit [i said this in a kidding manner, so she didnt get angry, but i was being totally serious]. i love that my manager lets me talk like that to the jerks. :]


4. the family moved back to michigan yesterday. this is both a good and bad thing for me. while i havent seen them in some months [with the exception of mom's visit last month] i will definitely miss them. they live 6 1/2 hours away now. do you know what that means? holidays and planned vacations. no more impromptu trips just because i want to go home. mom insists that i can still do that, but really? i dont think so. i like this though. i get to see my aunts and uncles a lot more. :] and did i mention its a house with beach access. awesome? yes.

to the friends that love and put up with me:

you guys are fantastic, thank you.

Love.

"Dreamed I could Fly;
I don't know why they say when you dream about flyin', you must be feelin' good.
I dreamed I could fly;
I got really high, I was dreaming about you."

these lyrics make my life better every time it sucks.
thanks dad.

favorite quote of the evening:

"they're both idiots in this town. republicans are mostly ignorant white trash bigots and the democrats are arrogant, self serving egotistical preachy bastards"
--he who eats indian food without me.. all the time..

lovelovelovelovelove!!

Three Signs You Know You're an Alcoholic:

1. after a night of heavy drinking, you wake up in the morning fully clothed going “hey. Somebody shit in my pants”

2. After a few cocktails you find yourself on the freeway going “why the fuck is everyone going the wrong way!”

3. You get drunk and decide you want Indian food. You wake up in the morning in Bombay with an elephant licking your balls.

Thank you Robin Williams! Love!!!

and this is why i have little faith in humanity some days..

"Someone told me once to come to the darkside they have cookies and milk!!! well wtf are you suppose to do when ur lactose and tolerant like me??? Bahahahaha"

christ almighty..

this song is my new favorite.

and it makes me a terrible SPEA major.. :D

FRANCO UN-AMERICAN BY NOFX

I never thought about the universe, it made me feel small
Never thought about the problems of this planet at all
Global warming, radio-active sites
Imperialistic wrongs and animal rights! no!

Why think of all the bad things when life is so good?
Why help with an 'am' when there's always a 'could'?
Let the whales worry about the poisons in the sea
Outside of california, it's foreign policy

I don't want changes, I have no reactions
Your dilemmas are my distractions

That's no way to go, franco un-american
No way to go, franco un-american
No way to go, franco un-american
No way to go, franco, franco un-american

I never looked around, never second-guessed
Then I read some howard zinn now I'm always depressed
And now I can't sleep from years of apathy
All because I read a little noam chomsky


[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/franco-un-american-lyrics-nofx.html ]

I'm eating vegetation, 'cause of fast food nation
I'm wearing a couple of shoes 'cause of globalization
I'm watching michael moore expose the awful truth
I'm listening to public enemy and reagan youth

I see no world peace 'cause of zealous armed forces
I eat no breath-mints 'cause their from de-hoofed horses
Now I can't believe; what an absolute failure
The president's laughing 'cause we voted for nader

That's no way to go, franco un-american
No way to go, franco un-american
No way to go, franco un-american
Where can we go, franco un-american

I want to move north and be a canadian
Or hang down low with the nice australians
I don't want to be another 'i-don't-care-ican'
What are we gonna do franco, franco un-american

my current thoughts on life

i've had a lot of down time today.
what did i fill that down time with?
lots of thinking.
i'm now going to tell you all about the thoughts that went through my mind today. read it or dont. your choice. :p

first of all, i woke up thinking. OHMYGODWHYISITSOFUCKINGCOLDINHERE!!! it was quite cold in my apartment this morning, or, all day really. i turned the heat on a couple of hours ago. i didnt really want to, but then i thought to myself, you're cold. youre wearing a hoodie and you have a blanket on and youre still cold. turn the damn heat on. and so i did, much to the dismay of my roommate, i imagine. sorry. i didnt want to be cold anymore.

i am really just over this school thing. i just dont like the monotony of it all. wake up. go to class. come home. do homework. maybe do something fun. go home. go to sleep. do it all again. thats literally my every day schedule, except on fridays and saturdays its work instead of class. its all quite tiresome after a while.

i have the best friends ever. you guys all rock. i know i've been quite the whiny baby lately, and i'm sorry for that. especially to my darling c-wikka wikka, seeing as how you get the majority of the bitching. youre the best. :]

i am feeling much better about my life now. things arent awesome, far from it, but i just stopped caring about the bullshit that was bringing me down. and ta da! i'm happy again. its a great thing.

okay. i'm gonna pass out now. goodnight.

the date is october 3rd.

and i just turned my heat on.
damn.

food for thought

hmm.
please just do what i ask of you.
it would make my day, seriously.
:]

new found perspective.

i am done being passive. done. absolutely done.

i'm tired of people coming at me from an unfair angle and controlling the outcomes of situations.
i'm tired of apologizing for things i'm not sorry about.
i'm tired of being a pushover.

it stops now.
i just went off on the one person who complicates my life more than anything in the world, and it felt wonderful. i'm almost sorry i was so harsh, but at the same time, i spoke my mind. i said exactly what i thought. and i felt so much better. the fact that i may have just ruined that friendship, which was about four years in the making kinda sucks, but i spoke my mind. i felt better.

i'm going do that from now on. i'm going to let it all hang out. you dont like it, then tough cookies.
deal with it.

i am having bad day.

i woke up this morning feeling like something bad was going to happen.
nothing bad happened, but i've been in a shit-tastic mood all day.
life just needs to knock it the hell off.

ps. i need a vacation.
and a date would be nice too.
i want someone to make me feel special. kaythanksbye.

"but i never said i would, i guess i'm gonna miss my chance again.."

[if it kills me. jason mraz.]

man.. life needs to slow down. i mean, really.

just a run down of my life at the present time:

1. i hate finite. its stupid. its not HARD, but its overly time consuming. i did not do well on my first exam, so i have to bust my ass the rest of the semester. helloooo office hours! having a friend in there is helping though, so i'll be okay. hopefully.

2. work. what to say about work. i really dont HATE it, but lets look at what it's doing to me.
a) i work EVERY friday and saturday, without fail. this is unfortunate for several reasons. i cant do anything on friday nights, and i dont want to do anything saturday nights because i'm friggin exhausted. major cut into the social life. also, this leaves me with sunday to do homework. thats fine and all, but i feel super stressed on sundays because of it.
b) people at work, while nice, dont talk. not really. we pretty much just stand there in silence. this is entirely different from back home. going to work was fun. i didnt mind it at all. people talked. we didnt ignore one another. it was nice.
overall, work is okay. i mean, i did this schedule to myself. next semester, i'm going to try and have only M/W or T/R classes. those days will be busy, but then i can work during the week and have some weekend days off. that'll be good for me.

3. family. while i find it inappropriate to post whats going on with this group on a blog, just know that some stuff is going on, and its stressing me out. really stressing me out.

4. to my roommate: upon recent discovery, you think i'm avoiding you. this could not be further from the truth. if i were avoiding you, i would not do it passively, as you claim. i'd make it blatantly obvious, i assure you. i've been busy with school, and with life drama. let me take this time to explain to you why you have not seen me this past week.
--M/W: you go in at 7. i have gone in with you these past few weeks, and will probably do so again. however, these past two weeks, i've been up til the wee hours of the morning doing homework and destressing, so i sleep in. thats all that is.
--T/R: these past two weeks i've gone into campus early to work on finite homework with kylee. its a time that works for her [it happens to be 8 am, which is sort of unfortunate], and so i go in because we work well together. we understand things that the other doesnt, its beneficial.
--as for the evenings, i've been going over to chelsea's, for a variety of reasons. last night it was to help her out with a poetry paper, the other nights its been to just hang out.

now.. i'll discuss this with you personally as well, but know that the conversation we had last week has not really left my mind. that just adds weird tension. i'm not upset with you, at all. i'll talk to you this afternoon about it.


anywayyyy.. back to my life.

the good stuff.

mom is coming to visit next sunday. :D
pretty excited.

im going to WI for spring break. why do i choose snow and cold over florida and warm? because i'm dumb. thats why. also because its going to be the best week ever!!!! :D

hanging out with chelsea and her muffin is probably one of the better times in my life. you kids are cool. just sayin.

i'm going to take a nap when i get home. who's excited? i'm excited.

theres a thin line between between a wild time and flatline baby tonight..

[if i had you. adam lambert.]

I am the worlds biggest copy cat. i saw my beef's most recent post and i have decided to follow suit, sorta. we're going the opposite direction. i am going to tell certain people why i love them. mixed with one that i do not like.

to my silly haired best friend: it is only fitting that you are at the top of my list. you are my wifey, after all. you are quite possibly my favorite person ever. even though we are presently long distance beefs, i know you will always pick up the phone when i call you even though you know i'm probably calling to bitch about something or another. you da bestest. fuck those bitches who make your life hell. i love you. them other bitches matter not. :D

to my favorite red head: i pretty much live with you. you and me, we're the best pair of people this world has ever seen. thank you for allowing me to spend every ounce of my free time in your presence. you are quite fun. i love you.

to starbucks: even though i spend too much money at your various establishments, i love you. thank you for giving me my coffee fix on the daily. but today, you suck a little. its fuckin freezing in here. turn the air off. damn.

to my study buddy: you make finite much easier. and you make me laugh. we're friends and its cool. :D

to my teen mom and hot fudge milkshake companion: i miss you. we have not gotten together in some time. stop being so academically responsible and hang out with me once and a while. geesh. :D

to my itunes: thank you for know exactly what song to play 99% of the time.

to my mom: i am pretty excited that you are coming to visit next weekend. yaaay shopping!!

to my new friend: even though you are the worst texter backer ever, youre still a pretty cool guy. sorry if i annoy you. youre new. its what i do to new people. sorry. :p

okay..
now for the thing that is irritating me.

fridays and saturdays, where have you gone? oh. thats right. i spend my weekends at work. this is stupid. i hate my job. i really really do. i like the people i work with, minus one. hes a douche a lot of the time. and that just makes my life really unpleasant. dear work, stop being lame. thanks.

"Life is what happens when you're busy makin' your excuses"

[when i'm gone. simple plan.]

Talk about inconvenient timing. oof. :/

anyway. the post i am meaning to write is this:

ladies and gents, i give you the soundtrack of my life,

1. Amazing—Aerosmith

2. Ironic—Alanis Moriesette

3. Music of the Night—Andrew Lloyd Webber [Phantom of the Opera]

4. Freak Out—Avril Lavigne

5. Boys of Summer—The Ataris

6. Airplanes—B.oB ft. Hayley Williams

7. Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)—Backstreet Boys

8. It’s All Been Done—Barenaked Ladies

9. Angel in the Night—Basshunter

10. All I Ever Wanted—Basshunter

11. Yellow Submarine—The Beatles

12. Loser—Beck

13. She Talks to Angels—The Black Crowes

14. Hard to Handle—The Black Crowes

15. Violence—Blink-182

16. Easy Target—Blink-182

17. All the Small Things—Blink-182

18. Water—Brad Paisley

19. Glycerine—Bush

20. Aint No Rest for the Wicked—Cage the Elephant

21. Cowboy Casanova—Carrie Underwood

22. Evacuate the Dancefloor—Cascada

23. You’re Not in on the Joke—Cobra Starship

24. Guilty Pleasure—Cobra Starship

25. Prostitution is the World’s Oldest Profession—Cobra Starship

26. A Long December—Counting Crows

27. Redneck Yacht Club—Craig Morgan

28. Dreams—The Cranberries

29. Chainsaw—Daniel Merrieweather

30. Crash into Me—Dave Matthews Band

31. Roll to Me—Del Amitri

32. White Flag—Dido

33. Once in a While—Dishwalla

34. Save Tonight—Eagle Eyed Cherry

35. We Made You—Eminem

36. Love the Way You Lie—Eminem ft. Rihanna

37. When Autumn Blooms—The End Times Spasm Band

38. Tears in Heaven—Eric Clapton

39. Layla—Eric Clapton

40. Inside Out—Eve 6

41. Wonderful—Everclear

42. Swagger—Flogging Molly

43. If I Ever Leave This World Alive—Flogging Molly

44. Black Friday Rule—Flogging Molly

45. Drunken Lullabies—Flogging Molly

46. Cruel Mistress—Flogging Molly

47. The Likes of You Again—Flogging Molly

48. Follow You Down—The Gin Blossoms

49. Black Balloon—Goo Goo Dolls

50. Acoustic #3—Goo Goo Dolls [This is the song you said you could fall asleep to] :p

51. Last of the American Girls—Green Day

52. MmmBop—Hanson

53. Bubble Toes—Jack Johnson

54. Pray For You—Jaron and the Long Road to Love [This is funny, listen to it]

55. Ridin’ Solo—Jason Derulo

56. The Remedy—Jason Mraz

57. If it Kills Me—Jason Mraz

58. Karma—Jessica Andrews

59. She’s a Genius—Jet

60. The Middle—Jimmy Eat World

61. Half of My Heart—John Mayer

62. Daughters—John Mayer

63. Almost Honest—Josh Kelley

64. I Go Back—Kenny Chesney

65. Just Dance—Lady Gaga

66. Paper Gangsta—Lady Gaga

67. Summer Girls—LFO

68. Girl Like That—Matchbox 20

69. Bitch—Meredith Brooks

70. Save the Last Dance For Me—Michael Bublé

71. Turn Off the Lights—Lights Over Paris

72. Only Prettier—Miranda Lambert

73. Unnatural Selection--Muse

74. Smells Like Teen Spirit—Nirvana

75. Wonderwall—Oasis

76. Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)—The Offspring

77. Where the Lines Overlap—Paramore

78. Even Flow—Pearl Jam

79. Peaches—Presidents of the United States of America

80. Losing My Religion—R.E.M.

81. Dani California—Red Hot Chili Peppers [You had to know this was going on here]

82. Swing Life Away—Rise Against

83. Snowblind—Rob Thomas

84. Breakeven—The Script

85. All I Wanna Do—Sheryl Crow

86. All Star—Smashmouth

87. When I’m Gone—Simple Plan

88. Spice Up Your Life—The Spice Girls

89. Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong—Spin Doctors

90. What I got—Sublime

91. Fly—Sugar Ray

92. Fat Lip—Sum 41

93. Break Your Heart—Taio Cruz

94. How’s it Gonna Be—Third Eye Blind

95. Free Fallin’—Tom Petty [this is my favorite song, of all time, without a doubt]

96. Hey Soul Sister—Train

97. Horchata—Vampire Weekend

98. Diplomat’s Son—Vampire Weekend

99. Best I Ever Had—Vertical Horizon

100. Dig Dig Dig—The Vincent Black Shadow

101. Metro—The Vincent Black Shadow

102. One Headlight—The Wallflowers

103. Buddy Holly—Weezer

104. Starstrukk—3OH!3

This was done for two reasons. 1) as an answer to a question in the ongoing line of questioning between me and Jory. 2) to help the kid out, he told me he didn't listen to music much. this is simply not okay with me. So, not only did i ask him to do the same thing [create a playlist of songs that he thinks describes him], i gave him this list of songs that i love/say a little about me. :D

Good stuff? I think so.

"And when the world crowds your space Remember days when noise was silent"

[The Face. RyanDan]

Songs that make my life better at the present time:

If it Kills Me--Jason Mraz

Love the Way You Lie--Eminem & Rihanna

Change Your Mind--Sister Hazel

The Face--RyanDan

Horchata--Vampire Weekend

Free Fallin'--Tom Petty

Go make a playlist of these songs, watch what it does to your mood. :]

"It was after the tequila nasty."

[random quote of the night. yours truly.]

Tonight was really fun. I went to Walmart with Chelsea after class. We got stuff to make rice krispies treats and mini pizzas. We watched 27 Dresses [well, all but the end..]. Then we went to Jory's. Jory is a friend of Chelsea's. We met up with Bpell and went bowling. Now, this was quite fun. However, I am the worst bowler the world has ever seen. Oh Jory, such a trooper, he agreed to be my partner for a couple rounds, and let me tell you, I was the least bit helpful. :p We may have won one round though, I'm not really sure. :p

It's kind of sad though, I just met this kid tonight, and he's a pretty cool guy. He moves to Minn. on Saturday. So, it was a fun hang out. Chelsea and Bpell are fun to hang out with.

I had a good night. Now. Bed. Goodnight!

"She's a stupid bitch!"

[Sassy Gay Friend Web Series.]

I am so frustrated with myself at the present time. Here I am, sitting in the coffee shop at Borders, sippin' on my vanilla latte having a grand ole time. I get a call. It is a call from work. Work needs me to cover someone's shift. Now, this person called me on Friday asking me to cover part of her shift, and I agreed. But! I had one condition. She needed to let me know by Monday if I was working. I had plans I was trying to accommodate, and I needed to know. Today is Tuesday, just in case any of you were curious. Today is most certainly NOT Monday. And yet, Assistant Manager man calls me in. Now, why didn't I just decline? Well, I'm already on this man's shit list. I could use the hours. And I really don't want the person I'm covering for to get in trouble. She is presently at a funeral for a family member, and A.M Man made her make sure her shift was covered before he gave her the O.K to go. [Why this man thinks he has the power to give permission for such things is beyond me.. but whatever.] So. I am forced to break plans [my NUMBER ONE pet peeve in life] with a good friend of mine. I feel bad. Really bad. It's my own fault, entirely. Which just adds to this whole "self-hatred" thing I have goin' for myself. But that is neither here nor there.

C: I'm sorry I broke plans with you, darlin'. It will never happen again. I love you!
A: While I think the likelyhood of you actually seeing this post and reading it is EXTREMELY low, know that I am perfectly okay with covering for you. It is not a problem at all, I just wish I wouldn't have "double-booked" my time. That's all. :]
S: You are not my favorite. I want Melissa back.

some of you may be disappointed but..

I have one large regret in life.
out of everything I've ever done or said in my time, there is ONE thing I can honestly say that I regret.

I honestly do not think I should have folded when I did.
Just a thought I've been pondering.

What's in a mood?

Have you ever sat there and tried to piece together the reasons why you are feeling the way you are? Well. I just did that, and let me tell you, it was overwhelming. I don't know why, but I've been in some sort of emotional funk for like.. a month now.

One day I'm content and happy and the next I feel like punching babies. Today was an okay day, but I have suddenly been overcome with sadness, or something like sadness.

I can't really describe it except by saying I have that weird feeling in my throat followed by that even stranger feeling you get in your chest when you know something bad is gonna happen. Maybe I'm just being emotional because I'm a girl. [That's what girls do, right?] Who knows.

However, I do know that I cannot keep having mini-breakdowns every other day. I need to confront the issues I'm having with myself. I need to deal with whatever is bothering me.

Simple? No. I have no idea what is bothering me. Not really. Not enough to fix anyway. Perhaps it's just a phase, and I'll grow out of it? Hopefully, because this is getting a smidge ridiculous.

Sorry for being vague, I guess I have yet to deem my issues internet worthy. Thanks for reading, though. :]

"don't it make you sad that life is more than who we are?"

[name. goo goo dolls.]

Time for a legit post about life, guys.

rather than spend needless time updating you on things I know none of you care about, I'll just tell you my recent outlook on my life. [yes, I know, you probably don't care about that either. shush.]

I have spent the better part of the past month worrying. worrying about school. worrying about work. worrying about money. worrying about everything. let me tell you what. the time for worrying is over. I have to stop it. I'm going to give myself a coronary if I keep this up.

instead of worrying, I'm going to focus. weird concept for me, I know. but think about it. if I focus on the things I need to do, things will inevitably fall into place. I focus on school, I get good grades. I get good grades, I graduate. I graduate, I get a spectacular job. I focus on work [CVS] and it goes by faster. like today, for example, it was truck day. I was doing truck all day. lifting totes, emptying totes, lifting more totes, ect. I was productive. I focused on the job, and time flew by. I kid you not, I felt like I was there for 4 hours. I was there for 8.5.

so, I have a new plan. I am going to focus. I am going to give this semester my all. I will do well. I will do things in a timely manner and I will not procrastinate. I will use leechblock to the fullest of its ability. I will go to office hours. I will get help on my stupid finite. I will do well this semester.

I will also stop being so damn whiney all the time. there are things in my life that i don't like. the only person that can change them is me. there's no point in whining over it. if i don't like it. I should change it. I need to quit being a baby.

well. this turned into quite the nonsensical bit of blabber. I'm sorry for that. I'll go now. :]

i am whiney

i am having a bad day.
i hate my job.
bastards.

what do you do when..

you are faced with the crappiest of lose-lose situations?
no matter what i choose to do in this situation, someone gets hurt.
i dont like this.
someone tell me how to handle this.
thank you.

The long list of emotions that I am currently feeling.

Excited.
Tired.
Annoyed.
Envious.
Determined.
Lazy.
Cold.
Happy.
Bummed.
Nervous.
Optimistic.
Pessimistic.
A general sense of "I don't give a fuck"
Did I mention tired?
Goodnight.

new favorite quote

"In the end we will conserve only what we love; we will love
only what we understand; and we will understand only
what we are taught."
-Baba Dioum, 1968

well. this oughta be fun.

I found out yesterday that my family, in its entirety, is moving back to Michigan.
Mom, Arjay, Logan, and Sean, will be moving back. [Mom says its about 95% certain at this point] All that's left for them to do is find a place. and to go up there and train a bit. [Arjay on the inspection routes and mom on the paperwork and computer stuff]

I'm trying my best to be supportive here, really, I am. Here's the thing though, while I agree that this is a good thing for Arjay [the job pays a ton more than what he's making now, I guess], and this is good for mom and Logan, too, this is bad for me. Not because I lose the ability to pay for school, because I've done the research, and it doesn't, but because I lose my family.

I may not be super duper close with my mom and family, but dammit, I don't want them to live 5 1/2 hours away from me.. that sort of knocks out any chance I have to go home. Not to mention, I will lose contact with a lot of my friends based out of Marion because of this. Gas City will no longer be a place I will travel to anymore. Granted, most my friends have moved out on their own now anyway, but still. The main time we get together is during holiday breaks. I now have nowhere to stay in that town, and therefore, will no longer be able to do that. When I go home for holidays, it will be Michigan that I travel to.

Beef, because I know your read this, I'm pretty upset about the fact that I can't come see you at home anymore. Please don't drift away from me!

Anyway, back to the major problem. I am losing my entire support system. They're gone. And it sucks.

But I am supportive of it, because it's good for the family. But can you blame me for wanting them to be just as close as they are now? ugh. I'm being whiny.


P.S. I'm not usually one to correct grammar, but there are a TON of comma splices in this blog. Sorry about that. :p

if my head weren't attached..

it'd probably be spinning off into another world right now..

i have been so crazy busy and stressed out for about a week straight now.
i'm ready for bloomington, simply because only then will things slow down a bit.
jeeze.
i need a breather.
and some ivanhoes.

"aint no rest for the wicked.. money dont grow on trees.."

[aint no rest for the wicked. cage the elephant]
[[thanks, beef.]]

got the job transfer. i start on the 16th. win.

"We're Listening to thug music while coloring Sesame Street pictures. We're hardcore."

[Best quote of the entire weekend. Joel]

I had one of the best weekends ever. Went to Purdue to see my beef for her birthday. It was probably the best time ever. We had indian food, peanut butter burgers, and mad mush cheesey bread. we drank a little, we hung out, we watched more movies in 48 hours than i've seen in two years. it was wonderful.



Dear Beef,

I hope your birthday weekend was positively spectacular.

Love, Me

Ouch

I look like a lobster. Wonderful.

P.S. TOMORROW IS FRIDAY.

"Can we pretend airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars, I could really use a wish right now."

Just found out that we will have to pay almost $400 a piece when we move in. that does not include set up fees for cable. I dont have that kind of money. Well, I do. But.. Really?! What the hell was the $120 deposit we paid in january?!


Ugh. Growing up sucks. I have to ask dad for money now. not to pay this stuff, I will have that in a couple of weeks. but I need a bed. hellooooo christmas in august. :/

I need it to be friday. This weekend is my last weekend to spend money frivolously. It is going to be the best weekend ever!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!

Things I Need [For Life, For the Apartment, For Nothing]

For Better Quality of Life:

1. For it to be Friday.
2. To go to Michigan
3. For it to then be August 14th.
4. For all my worries to disappear.
5. To have the best semester to date.
6. Spend the most epic of weekends at Purdue for Bucket Game 2010.
7. To love every minute of apartment life.

For the Apartment:

1. A bed.
2. More stuff for the walls.
3. More money for bills and such.
4. To stop panicking over affording the place, because I know I can.
5. Lamps.
6. Trash cans for the bathroom.
7. Storage cubes for the bathroom.

I will add to these lists as I see fit.

It's Gettin' to be That Time..

Bloomington, I miss you.
August 14th is not coming fast enough.
I mean really, I am ready to have my own place.

Introducing: Laelah!

Ashley's Baby!
Laelah Renae
They came over yesterday for a visit.
She is adorable!!!